The 6 week check up (3 weeks late) and 2 month shots

Last Wednesday, Sophie had her 2 month shots and weigh in. She weighs 11lbs 14oz (75th percentile) and measures 22 1/4" (25th.) Oddly, while she weighed almost a pound less than Saoirse at birth (8 lbs to Saoirse's 8 15) she is almost a pound heavier than what Saoirse was at this point. Ah, the power of breastfeeding going well. She screamed bloody murder for the 3 shots, and tensed her leg so much so that the nurse commented on it. So all is well with her. She's doing great, a pure pleasure these days. Did I ever mention that for the first month I thought I was going to lose my mind? Thank God it's over.

I had my rescheduled postpartum appointment on the Friday. Sophie was fantastic, fell asleep while we were walking over and stayed asleep until we were back home. In the fantastic, I-am-so-bloody-proud-of-myself news I now weigh 10lbs less than when I got pregnant with Sophie. Only another thousand pounds to go. Well, not quite of course, it just feels like it. However, I have a bit of a yeast infection. I had no idea. I was asked what method of contraception we are using. I laughed at that one. With one or both girls in the bed every night, abstinence is the name of the game. Which completely sucks and hopefully will end soon. I am going to get the shots in my arm. As much as I hate needles, I hate the idea of swallowing a pill everyday and I never could get used to shoving things up there. So the shots it will be. Until they get banned anyway.

Oh, the injustice of it all

A wee while ago I wrote a post complaining about the 6 weeks worth of blood and whatnot that we are forced to put with after having experienced the joys of childbirth.

I had a week off. A WEEK. Last night I wiped away bloody discharge and actually screamed about it. This morning I had a full on period.

Bastard body.

What the hell is going on? The baby is breastfed ffs. She's only had 10 oz of formula in her short life. With Saoirse, who was a 50/50 split between the two, I got my period 4 weeks after the end of the original six. That pissed me off. But at least my body had the decency to wait a full cycle before torturing me with my period again.

Today was supposed to be my 6 week check up. I called to see if I could still come in and I was asked to reschedule. I now have to wait 2 weeks.

Well, at least I should be period free by then.

Hopefully.

What to do with this blog?

This blog was meant to be a pregnancy journal and now that the pregnancy is over I am not really sure where to go with it. I originally started a new blog because I was not overly happy about being pregnant and it wasn't something I really wanted to discuss in the other blog. (Funny that I was so upset then now I can't imagine my life without Sophie in it. Surprises always turn out to be the best things.) I can not just update about Sophie on here, which is what I've been doing. I think I am going to do one final post and then that'll be it. Sophie is six weeks old tomorrow and I still have not written her birth story. It's not as though it was traumatic or anything and so before I foget absolutely everything I had better do it.

And eventually I will. One day when I have a wee bit of time to sit back and remember.

Sophie will be 5 weeks old tomorrow. She has a hideous case of baby acne, so terrible I can not even post a picture of her until it has cleared. If this were a sign of her teenage years, the poor girl would be on serious medication. I mean, I'm her mother and even I don't think she's cute at the moment. I know. Terrible.

We went to Weight and See yesterday, she is now 10lbs 4 oz. I saw a lactation consultant as I thought I might have a plugged duct. I was actually in the hospital Saturday night because I thought it was mastitis. I had a fever of 41.1. (That'd be around 104 for the Americans out there.) I had a totally useless resident whose first words to me were "I know nothing about this." Thanks. Inspiring confidence in the masses I am sure. And why, oh why, do residents work 24 hours shifts? The poor guy was tired, he repeated the same questions and he did absolutely NOTHING for me. I didn't even see the actual doctor. This is what he came back. "Dr. R. says that if you're feeding off that breast it's not plugged." Ummmm...thanks again. What about the fact that three hours ago I could not feed off of that breast and in fact the bloody thing wasn't even leaking at all? What about that fever, the highest my temperature has ever been? Did I say anything? Of course not! I am me after all.

The lactation consultant was great, except for the fact that my boob was shown for all to see. A duct was plugged and it was my fault because the baby still isn't latching properly and because I hold my breast everytime and have actually stopped up a duct by doing so. Loser.

And that's about it. She's doing pretty well, still sleeping nights and little during the day.

Let's just call a spade a spade

Quite possibly the worst thing about giving birth is the 4-6 weeks of bleeding that follows. And let's not call it lochia. Let's call it what it is...the longest, most pain in the ass period EVER. Never having been a fan of my monthly visitor (except for the first one or two- can you believe I actually was happy to get the friggin thing? And that I actually bragged about it?) I rather dread the weeks after birth. Nothing is worse than the giant pad with the belt that I had to wear the first two days after Sophie's birth. Very "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." It made me look forward to my own nice thin pads.

Having gone nine months without a need for pads or tampons I was a little dismayed upon opening the first Always pad to read on the wings sticker "Have a happy period." Are these people mad? Who other than the teenage girl who prays not to be pregnant has a happy period? Not me anyway. Needless to say the next package purchase was wingless.

Thank God it's on its way out. If I get a period in 4 weeks like I did with Saoirse I will be plenty annoyed. It's one of the benefits of being a human cow. And I'm not talking about my weight.

One Month

Dear Sophie,
A month ago you came into our lives and I am so very happy to have you. How quickly one forgets what life like was like before a baby's arrival. I had forgotten what it was like to hold my pee in for 8 or so hours until someone else arrives that you will sit with for 45 seconds. Showers are a luxury and brushing my teeth before your morning nap (if you have one that is) is unheard of. If I want to go on the computer you are either in my arms or having a 10 minute cat nap. As soon as you realize you aren't in my arms you wake up. And honestly, Sophie, I wouldn't change one minute of the last month that I have had with you.


Your sisters and brother love you. Liam is even happy to have his picture taken with you. Watching Saoirse when she is around you makes us all laugh, she loves to give you hugs and kisses and is forever rubbing her hand on your head and face. She has though, discovered that she can kick you in the head during storytime, which would be whenever you are eating. We have to be careful there. My favourite time of the day is around 1.00 when you fall asleep while eating and Saoirse falls asleep next to us. We stay like that for awhile because not only do I love that quiet time with the two of you but there's always a chance you might actually sleep for an hour or so. I can then do a bit of cleaning or, more likely, watch Days of Our Lives.



You are starting to develop quite the personality. You let me know when you feel no one is paying attention to you and even when we pay too much attention. You smile whenever Daddy talks to you and mimic his facial expressions. You have just starting making a noise that sounds an awful lot like a laugh. Because you don't really like to be` out of someone's arms your Auntie Shelley bought us a sling, which you love. I love it too, becuase you are not a great fan of the pram either. In fact, you are quite fussy. But again, I wouldn't change a thing about you. Except for maybe that baby acne.


Dr. M was right when during the section she said "This one's really cute, Emma. Are you sure you want your tubes tied?"

Love you,
Mummy

Slowly, slowly, I am losing my mind

I have a feeling that gripe water is about to become my new best friend. I think that Sophie may have developed a wee bit of colic. Either that, or she has just decided to become the most miserable child on the face of the earth. Yesterday was the day from hell. I got nothing done. Everytime I put her down she cried. She fed all day long and for the most part I would say it was just comfort sucking. I was ready to put her back. Rip me open and leave her in there until this phase passes. I do not remember Saoirse being like this. Perhaps she was though and I just never noticed because a) she was always supplemented and b) William was there all the time.

And for some reason he is expecting the house to be lovely and clean and dinner always ready when he walks in the door. Um, ain't gonna happen. Last night when she was screaming in his arms I said this is what she did all day today so when you wonder why the house isn't clean now you know.

I wonder what how clean the house would be if he was at home with a 4 week old and a 22 month old even for one day? Not very I imagine.

It appears the vibrating chair only soothed her for a few minutes and now she is fussing again. It will be full fledged screaming in a minute so I am off.

Gotcha!

She wouldn't smile for me at all today but her dad had no such problems. I caught the tail end of this one.

I took Sophie and Saoirse over to Weight and See this afternoon. I was surprised to see she weighs 9lbs 12oz. We missed it last week, but I am assuming most of the weight gain came this past week, it seems all she's being doing is eating and sleeping. Considering her inital weight loss she has now gained 2lbs 3oz in just over 3 weeks. Not so shabby for a kid who still has a crap latch.

She slept through the night again, from 10- 6.30. I am so loving this girl. Oh, and we've lost the dummy but she doesn't seem to bothered without it. I am very pleased about this.

Happy babies

I spent Sophie's waking hours (of which there have oddly been very few) today trying to get her to smile for the camera. Of course she would stare intently at the camera looking like she was all pissed off and as soon as the camera was put away she would turn and look at me and smile. It seems I've a future troublemaker on my hands.

Looking to curse myself here, but after the worst couple of nights thus far last night Sophie slept from 10-7, woke up for an hour and a half and then slept until almost noon. She had another long nap this afternoon, woke up around 6 and then went back to sleep just after 7. What are the chances she will sleep at all tonight? Probably nil. Which will make me getting the kids ready for school tomorrow morning very unpleasant.

What NOT to do with your 20 day old baby

It appears that Sophie has mastered the art of the quarter roll. Lying on her back, she throws her arm down over her tummy and rolls onto her side. She has being doing this for ages. Well, ages in the life of a 3 week old, which would be about 2 weeks. Until last night though, she always ended up right back on her back as she came up just a wee bit short of fully being on her side.

I lay her on the sofa as I always do, and went to get her sleeper off the other sofa. And then I heard the dreaded sound. THUNK. Followed by a second of silence and then the loudest scream I have heard out of her yet. When I turned around she was on her tummy on the floor. Yikes.

I think that all of my children have fallen off the couch at one time or another. But never at 3 weeks. Needless to say I was feeling terrible. She stopped crying the moment I picked her up and for the next two hours, everytime she fell asleep I would get all worried and eventually wake her up. I thought about calling the Healthy Beginnings number, but decided that I was being a complete eejit. When I took her up to bed I had a hard time falling asleep and kept touching her stomach to make sure she was breathing. She woke up at 3.30 and I was so happy she was alright that I wasn't even bothered by the fact that she woke up and hour and half earlier than normal. She ate and went back to sleep and I kept her in my arms. When she woke up at 7.30 I fed her while lying in bed, the first time she has done that. And that is the second best thing about breast feeding...not having to get up to feed. We then had a lovely lie in until 9.30 when Saoirse woke up.

She has been fine all day, no problems for her fall. It was our first Britney Spears moment with many to follow I am sure.

A little thing that freaks me out

I think she was 6 days old in this picture. I thought I would be so great at remembering the dates and whatnot but since I am currently lucky I remember the names of all four children (but not necessarily calling the right child by the right name) the chances of actually remembering dates is slim to none. The date is set on the camera, but I have no idea how to retrieve it. So I just think she was 6 days old. But she could have been 7, as her one week photos immediately follow this one. Ack! Tis driving me crazy! Must figure out camera.

But on to what freaks me out.

Sophie falls asleep in my arms. Like most mothers, I am sure, sometimes I just sit and stare at her. Sometimes, though, I read. It is the only chance I get these days. She quite often opens her eyes a wee bit and I watch her eyeballs roll back in her head. I know all babies do this, I assume that we all do it in our sleep. But it totally freaks me out. To the point where I make sure the phone is near by so that if I have to call 911 I can do it quickly.

Stupid? Yes. Irrational? Totally.

In my head I know she is fine. But every single time she does it I think of a girl I was friendly with years ago. She had a little boy, Matthew, back in October of 1998. I visited with her in the hospital the evening of the day he was born. She was eager to get home the next day as they had a 2 year old daughter she was missing. I said that I would take every moment they would let me stay. That's just me, I think, I rather enjoy being in the hospital. Excluding the fact that youget no sleep it's actually rather peaceful.

She went home the day after Matthew was born and all was fine. The next morning, at around 7.30, when he was exactly 48 hours old, she was holding him in her arms when his eyes rolled back in his head. I can not remember what else happened to him for her to know there was something wrong, there might have been something, there might not have. I only remember her saying "His eyes rolled right back in his head" as we talked on the phone, both of us crying. She called her husband, they called an ambulance, they tried to revive him on the kitchen table. He was pronounced dead at the hospital. I often wonder if he would have survived had they still been in the hospital.

Anyway, this is what I think of everytime I see Sophie's eyes start to roll. I know it's not going to happen to us, but I can't help thinking it. And every time she closes her eyes, and continues on with her steady (and somewhat noisy) breathing, I myself breathe a sigh of relief.

Time flies

This has not been the best week. I'd forgotten how hard it is with two babies, let's all be thankful I am not the mother of twins because chances are I would be on the psych ward right about now. I honestly don't know how those mums do it. And, yes, the dads too. I am not trying to be gender biased here, but I'll assume most dads are out at work and the mums are at home.

Sophie has decided that she is no longer willing to sleep on her own, in the cot right next to the bed. She'll go half the night, but once 3 or 4 hits and she wakes up, she ends up falling back to sleep in in my arms. Which equals two not so skinny adults, one toddler who kicks her father in the back all night and a two week old baby in the bed. Not so much fun really.

We are both suffering from a lack of a good nights sleep and unfortunately we seem to take it out on one another. I wish we were one of those couples that never said a nasty word to one another. Although I'd not trade him for the world. I just have to learn to brush off the bad moods. His and mine.

I had my home help in on Wednesday. She took Saoirse and Taylor out and Sophie and I slept for 3 hours. It was fantastic! She's due to come two times next week. She says she will make meals, so I might take her up on that. I may have said before that there is nothing I hate more than cooking. She was quite nice, it seems like an interesting job, she works with all sort of people; from seniors to new mothers to child welfare cases. I was starting to wonder if there was another reason as to why she was visiting me, other than c-section/toddler scenario; perhaps the maternity ward had actually charted my minor breakdown? Who knows. Anyway, she visits teen mums, new immigrants and drug addicted mums among others. It wasn't until she said something about a teacher "like you" (as in the c-section/toddler scenario) that I realized I was not being watched for some massive case of post partum depression or something. Hmmm...perhaps they should be watching out for a massive case of paranoia.

Sophie had her 2 week check up yesterday. She weighed 8lbs 8oz at it, which I think is a bit high as she did not have a new nappy on, and there was probably a bit of weight to the one she was in. She was marked as a healthy 2 week old, and won't need to be seen until a week after her 2 month shots. She wasn't officially discharged from the hospital, or so I had thought. Usually a doctor will come in and talk to you, and all of the others were checked out by a doctor in my presence, but Sophie was looked at by a resident while she was in the nursery I assume and he did not come in to talk to me. I didn't know this until the doctor showed me her chart. I was a bit pissed off about it, not to talk to the mother seems not a great way to practice pediatric medicine. Taylor had hip dysplasia and had to wear a Pavlik harness for a few months. It was caught at that first check by the doctor and if I had been more together on that last day in the hospital I would have questioned why I had not seen a doctor in regards to Sophie. I guess I can finally throw that harness away, I have saved it all these years in case I ever had another baby with dysplasia and now there is no need for it. It was $130 11 years ago, I hate to think of what it would cost now.

Blah...I have gone on, haven't I?

On to the cute...Saoirse seems to think that since everyone else can pick Sophie up, she must be able to as well. Right now she is content to just put her hands on either side of her while someone else does the actual picking up but today she did manage to pull her down the sofa a wee bit so it looks like we'll be keeping a close on her. Sophie is the queen of the dirty looks, I am trying to get a picture of it, but have not managed thus far. She furrows her brow and just stares at you, I wonder what goes through her head. Today she looked directly at Liam when he talked to her. She had to lift her head and roll her eyes up to do it, as she was lying in my arms and he was at my side. It was very sweet. And that's about it for cuteness this week, other than that there's a lot of crying and pooping.

She's a pleasure though.


Sleeping, and not in my arms!

A comparison with Cookie Monster, Saoirse's big sister gift. Either he's very big or she's very tiny.

Weight and See

I took Sophie and Saoirse over to the health clinic about 6 blocks away from our house. They have a program for newborns called "Weight and See" which you can use until the baby is 8 weeks old. They weigh them, obviously, and help you out with breastfeeding or whatever. Sophie weighed 8lbs at birth and was 7lbs 9oz at 3 days. Today, at 12 days, she is 8lbs 3oz. They were pleased with this as they expect them to be at birth weight by 10 days. I had no questions about breastfeeding, although she still doesn't have the perfect latch, but it isn't hurting and obviously she is gaining.

I booked her shots on my way out. They are scheduled for October 11th. Poor baby, I feel for her already. I was going to have Saoirse weighed as well as I think she has suddenly put on a lot of weight but that could simply be because she seems giant compared to Sophie. Needless to say, she was in no mood to be weighed.

I am supposed to be having someone come out to the house for 3 hours tomorrow afternoon. This is another program offered by Capital Health. Because I had a c-section and have a toddler at home I am entitled to 15 hours home help. They will come out and clean or watch your kids. I don't know why I said yes, I am not one for making converstaion with strangers, plus as I pointed out to her I would have to have my house clean prior to her arrival, not have her do it. She said "We don't like to see a clean house, then we know you've been doing too much." My main floor is fine, God forbid if she were to go upstairs where not one of the four bedrooms is completely unpacked. So I really have nothing for her to do. I don't want her doing my laundry, Saoirse would not stay alone with her so that I could nap (and I would LOVE a nap) and I have nothing else to be done. I don't have a number to cancel it though.

Other than that, all is well with the baby, she is actually sleeping on her own which is astounding as most of this week she will only sleep near me during the day. Mostly doing well at night, slept from 9-4 last night and again from 4.30-8.

Loving Sophie

It's been a week. I have fallen madly in love. There were moments throughout this pregnancy when I wondered if I would resent her because the timing seemed so terrible. I wondered if either William or I could love her as much as Saoirse. There is a Family Circus strip from years and years ago where a woman asks the mum how she divides her love amongst four children and she says "I don't divide it. I multiply it." How very true this is. I can not imagine my life without her. And I'm even glad she's a girl.

I do wish we had called her Aisling though, or Caoimhe, or something that did not start with an S because I am constantly caling her Saoirse. The poor girl will have a complex. Plus the whole name is so very, very English. Which pleases my mother to no end. And should pacify my grandfather somewhat when he finally finds out about this as yet unknown of eighth great grandchild.



I'm thrilled with how well the others have taken to her, especially Saoirse. We expected a lot of jealousy but she has been pretty good. She always gives Sophie a kiss and hug when she goes out or up to bed. She is still Daddy's girl though and we will have to see if she lets Sophie join that club.



To our lovely Sophie....happy 1 week birthday. We look forward to the next 51, and all the weeks after that.



The first picture is at one day old.
The second is Sophie at 3 days with a comparison picture of Saoirse at 4 days old. See how much bigger Saoirse was in the face?
The third was at 6 days, they both fell asleep on the sofa and were looking pretty freaking cute. And yea, I know the sofa's a piece of crap. Ignore it. I am aiming for leather, which is at least washable.

My baby does the hokey pokey

Well, alright, Sophie doesn't do the hokey pokey. You might get Saoirse to put her left foot in or something and she will definitely shake it all about. What Sophie can do, though, is get up on all fours while lying on her tummy.

What she can also do, and what quite thrills her very tired mummy, is sleep through the night. Yes, my daughter slept through the night at 4 days old. She slept from 10-5, woke up for a feed and nappy change and was back asleep by 5.30 and did not wake up until 8.45.

I have probably cursed myself for saying this. Other than the first night when she was awake from 2 until 6am she has been a pretty good sleeper, but really she is only 5 days old and 4 good nights might mean nothing. But still, I'll take that 7 hours. She fell asleep at 9 tonight so here's hoping she goes until at least 4.

My three girls.

I find it a little hard to believe I am actually posting a pic of myself, there's something about letting the real you be seen that is a wee bit nervewracking. Of course, if I were a skinny wee thing I'd be sticking photos of myself up on a daily basis. Anyway, this is the first picture of all three of my girls together. I have a few taken of all 6 of us but either I look like total shite (yep, worse than that!) or Liam has his lips pursed like he is some rapper. Awful.

Crap, I just previewed this and I really do look like a fat slob. With massive bags under my eyes which are even worse now, since I have officially slept only 15 of the last 117 hours. I pray to God I normally look a bit better than this. Rather, a lot. Ah feck it. When I come to my senses I may delete this post, but for the moment I'm saying the girls look cuter than I look shite.

So English it's frightening

Sophie Victoria Lily arrived at 11.29 am on Thursday, August 10th. She's quite lovely but I am her mother and therefore honourbound to say that. But even if she wasn't mine I'd still say it. She's the image of a newborn Saoirse, just leaner and with more hair. She's 8 lbs. and 20". When they held her up I said how tiny she was, I figured she only weighed about 6 lbs. The moment they pulled her head out she started screaming and has done so quite often since. I asked for a dummy as she sucked for 4 solid hours from 2-6 am the first night and then again from 11.30-3 on the 11th. It helped, as she slept way better. I did not. I figure I have slept 9 of the last 88 hours. So needless to say I am fairly miserable at the moment. I spent an hour crying at the hospital and they wanted me to stay another night because of it. Ah no thank you. I am sure that the health nurse will bring it up when she comes by tomorrow. I have much more to post about the whole experience but will leave it for another day.

Almost here

It is almost 5am. I think I slept less than 3 hours tonight. I will have a shower shortly and then wake up William.

Although I am no longer dreading today I am still not happy with the decision to have her today. I will always wonder if she would have arrived on her own time if we had waited another week. Probably not. Though it seems I can get pregnant easily enough it appears that my body has a big X on it when it comes to giving birth. Oh well.

I have to be at the hospital by 7 and my surgery is scheduled for 9.30. So in 5 hours I will have another daughter. Who I think we actually have a name for. One thing I was not at all prepared for was that my catheter will be inserted before I receive the epidural. Um, yikes. My friend tells me it is uncomfortable, but not painful. With my negative pain tolerance it is essentially one in the same. I have watched old ladies scream during the procedure and that's what will go through my head.

My friend Shelley called the hospital last night to find out who the NICU nurse scheduled for my surgery is. She says I have a very nice nurse, and she asked that they put down that I am her friend. Hey, I'll take anything I can get. It always helps to know people and to know that they will keep an extra eye on the baby should it be needed is a great thing. Of course, she should be fine. I would have loved to have had Shelley be the one who was there, but crappy timing...she's on holidays. Her cell phone bill will be mad, she's been calling everyday to find out what's going on.

Anyway, better shower! God, I'm nervous.

Birth Day: 10 August, 2006

I had my doctor's appointment today. I gained a pound and a half. I don't know what my blood pressure is...this new girl tells you nothing. I could check my papers but that would mean walking all the way over to the front door and my bag.

Wait, that's what 11 year old daughters are for. 128/72. Nothing to worry about. I am sure it is sky high at the moment as the rest of the appointment totally stressed me out.

William came with me today, along with Saoirse. He thought she looked sad as he left the house. He's a sucker for a pouty lip apparently.

So I see the doctor. Baby has not moved a bit, cervix is still pretty much closed up.

"I really think we should induce, Emma."

"I'd really like to wait."

"The longer you wait the more difficult the labour will be, the more likely you will end up with another cesarean."

The same conversation we have had the last few weeks.

I look at William. No support there, I am sure he can't wait until my pregnancy whinging is over. "Let's do it."

"Do I have to be induced? Can't I just have the section?"

She'll have to see how busy they are at the hospital she says.

I was to get dressed and wait in the waiting room.

Right away she tells me it's currently scheduled for Friday. This is not a terrible thing. It will be Saoirse's 21st month birthday. I have to fill out some forms.

As I am filling them out she comes over to say that it will be the Thursday. She fills it on my form. 10-08-06. "That's interesting." she says. Sure, I guess whatever you can take.

I am devastated. I said to William that if he hadn't of been there I think I could have said let's wait another week.

Why didn't I? This is my life and my body and if I want to wait until I am 12 days overdue to give birth can't I? The baby is healthy, still active, I don't think she is the concern.

I will tell you why. I am a wimp. I am afraid of authority figures. I should have said no.

All I want to do is cry.

Still no baby

It's true. There is not a baby. It appears no baby has any intentions of arriving. Perhaps this pregnancy is a figment of my imagination.

The chafing however is not.

As my stomach has grown slightly larger than normal (read hugely larger) and my boobs, never perky at the best, have gotten slightly bigger it appears that boobs and stomach have decided to meet and hang out together. My skin is not enjoying this meeting of body parts at all. My bras are in revolt and are refusing to allow me to wear them. Unless it's absolutely necessary and I have to go out in public. Although wearing one yesterday was such a terrible experience that I took it off as discreetly as humanly possible in the middle of a croweded park.

So I am begging this baby to arrive soon so that my stomach can go back to its somewhat flabby state, but at least it will be away from my breasts.

Plus I'd kind of like to see her.

Just in case you're wondering

See here.

The biggest myth of all: Childbearing hips

Pre or post pregnancy you might say this about me:

a)Look at that voluptuous girl with the lovely childbearing hips; or
b)Look at that fat bitch.

Yes, I am a fat girl. I openly admit it, though I do find the word voluptuous much more appealing. Because although I may be slightly overweight I do have a very hourglass figure. My only blessing I suppose. Minus the tummy that has carried four children.

Growing up, even when I was thin* I had hips. My aunt used to say what a breeze it would be when it came to giving birth. Hah! I think childbearing hips were meant only to keep that child comfortable in utero for as long as humanly possible. As in 40+ weeks. Why would any baby want to leave the roomy nest my hips provide? Foolish that would be.

I actually was starting to believe this child might decide to arrive completely of her own volition. I have been having painful contractions and great difficulty moving once I am in bed. I don't recall either happening before and why not assume any difference during the pregnancy may lead to a different sort of birth? In fact I am so desperate for any difference that I am going to reveal something that I would never normally talk about. Cover your eyes if you don't want to hear about my bodily functions people. I have, for the last 2 days, been the queen of bowel movements. Constantly going. Tis terrible. Wondering if this was some sort of sign I looked it up on the handy internet and I came across some British site. It took me a while to find because in England apparently a bowel movement is called a bowel motion. Anyway, it said that it is often one of the first signs of natural labour as the cervix and part of the bowel share common nerves. So as the cervix becomes more active the bowel is stimulated causing faster movement of food and and more frequent, looser bowel movements. Now aren't you thrilled to know all that about me? My doctor said it could also be a sign of the head dropping further into the cervix, but not necessarily that I am about to go into labour.

The doctor's appointment was alright today, a longish wait as when I got there she had just left to go to a delivery. I read 2 magazines...Chatelaine and Macleans. Both from June, so not terribly outdated. My blood pressure was 122/78, not bad at all and I gained half a pound. When I got into the room the doctor came in before I even had my pants off. I am sure I looked like an eejit going down to cover up, as really she has seen mine and many others many, many times. I have gone from measuring 39 to 37, and the baby has dropped to -2 station. I might even reach 0 by next week. I am 1 cm dilated. She asked if I still wanted to wait and I said yes. I was not at all ready to go into the hospital tomorrow morning. I haven't even packed a bag. She wanted to see me either next Tuesday or Wednesday, a sign to me that she will be suggesting induction for Thursday or Friday if the wee miss has not yet arrived.

In my current frame of mind (which, granted, can change at any given second) I am willing to wait this child out for another 15 days.

Oh my god, in 15 days I will have a child. Yikes. At a maximum I mean. August 18th is baby's deadline. Who knows though? I could go into actual, real labour with broken waters and all tonight.

Or not.

The worst week ever

All is well with baby, just so you know. We moved last weekend, it has been a week from hell. I will probably blog about it over at the other site, but not until I am a little less pissed off. I was getting over it, but today was my move out and that started it anew. So it's been a stressful week. However, I did learn that I have some great friends. And some horrid enemies, apparently.

My last doctor's appointment was Tuesday. I have lost 6 lbs. My uterus was measuring 39 weeks and the baby was at minus 1 and a fingertip dilated. It'll never arrive on its own. My doctor said that I can wait if I want, she was feeling generous. With the amount of stuff we still needed to do in both the old and new places, it was best to wait. No rush at all, baby.

I had contractions from 3.30 on Thursday until about 4.30am. They were regular for a while, every 20 minutes or so, but then started going crazy...every 5...then 45...15...25...10. Braxton Hicks, then, not much you can do. They have just started again in the last little bit, so I'll time them and see. It would be very nice to go into labour on my own, but I don't see it happening.

I am trying to convince William to see if he can feel the baby's head, I am going for all the cheap thrills I can get. He's not biting so far. There's not much of anything going on to be honest, which has me in a bit of a funk.

I don't see the doctor again until Thursday, which is only 3 days away from my due date. I guess the receptionist was to busy fighting on the phone with her boyfriend to pay attention to the fact that I said one week, not 9 days, but whatever. I was to tired after waiting for an hour and a half to argue the point.

If it weren't for the fact that our dressers are still in the garage and I don't know where three quarters of the baby's clothes are, I'd call my doctor tonight and ask for an induction or the section.

I am so very, very, very done.

Whinge, whingier, whingiest...

...oh, who is the Queen of Whinging?

Why me of course.

I am sick, sick as a dog. I have been since Thursday. I have, of all bloody things, undiagnosed smoker's hacking cough. Which is sort of funny, seeing as a cigarette has never crossed these pristine lips.

So tell me why I sound as though I have emphysma and am going to hack up a lung any moment? Why is it that I wake up between 3.30 and 4 every single morning to cough up phlegm which feels as though it is shreding my throats to bits? And why is it that when I cough I pee myself? And why, oh why, can I not fall back asleep after I have blown my nose for 10 minutes, peed some more, and coughed up enough phlegm to make an old barrel chested man jealous and changed my pajamas? Is it because the moment I lie down the whole process begins again? It might have something to do with it. And because I have discovered that it is impossible to clear your throat and cough quietly I end up getting up so I don't wake up the other two in the bed. I slept an extra half hour this morning, from 7.30- 8.00 and then Saoirse was up. And so was I as I had a shit load of packing to do. Did I do it? No, not really...I put most of it off until this evening.

I had my 37 week appointment today, I left Saoirse at home with Taylor; it was rather pleasant having that hour to myself. HA...how said is that? Anyway, she sort of freaked me out. She said "You're okay for this week, but we'll see what happens next week." By the time that sank in she was gone. I'm very slow on the uptake. I think she was saying that I might want to consider being induced next week. Soooooo against my plans. First off, I will be in the midst of both cleaning this house and unpacking the new one. Second, I don't want to be induced. As my mother very sensibly pointed out however, I am not sleeping and I am a bit of a miserable bitch. Not that she called me a miserable bitch, but she hinted. My doctor said that the longer I go, the harder the labour will be. I suppose labour is meant to be hard and there is a reason women often choose drugs. I did tell her that I don't want to be induced and if it's late I want a section. Wimp? Yes I am.

Gained 3 lbs this week. That's what I get for bragging about losing the previous weeks. My uterus is measuring 38 weeks still, so that means no change since week 34. Odd. Baby is at -2, cervix is closed tight. You see, if it was up to my body the baby would stay there forever more.

Back next Tuesday, the day after moving day. I may just say "Rip it out now."

36 week appointment

# weeks pregnant: 36 and 2 days
Weight lost: 1 lb
Current weight: Not quite as high as I thought, but too high to admit to you all just how fat I am. Just a note that I started this pregnancy out weighing 10lbs MORE than I did at 9 months pregnant with Saoirse. Sad, sad, sad.
Total weight gain thus far: 10 lbs, minus 3 lost = 7 lbs.
Blood pressure: 132/68
Uterus measuring: 38 (same as 2 weeks ago)
Test results: negative for Group B Strep.

So the baby has dropped. None of my others had dropped by this point so this is a pleasant surprise. The doctor estimates about 8lbs, but I am leaning more towards 9. We will see. Back again next Tuesday.

It has been a totally crappy week. I am pretty sure I have hemorrhoids, which would be another first. I was too embarassed to ask her to check. Packing and trying to keep the house at any level of cleanliness is almost impossible, and the whole move has both William and I stressed out and snapping at each other constantly. Ah well, hopefully the move will go well and we can enjoy the last few weeks of this pregnancy. Which I have decided will definitely be my last. I can not do this again.

We will have her by August 18th at the latest. Because I don't want to be induced I am hoping to go into labour before the 2 weeks are up. However, because my 42 weeks falls on a Sunday and because my doctor only does scheduled sections on Thursday and Fridays, I would have the section at 12 days post 40 weeks. I really don't want to go over the 42 weeks, after reading up on it, there is potentially alot that could go wrong.

Maternity leave benefits

Happy days!

I once wrote that I was worried about how small my EI payments would be, as I had only worked 8 months between Saoirse and this baby. I was hoping for between $200-250 every 2 weeks.

Last Thursday I checked my bank account and there was a deposit of $238. So that was OK, pretty much right in the middle of what I was hoping to get. Enough to pay 4 bills a month and with the other incomes coming in, we should have an extra $1000 per month. (Reality of course, is totally different and somehow that extra money seems to disappear, mostly spent on foolish purhases, most often by myself.)

Yesterday I received an EI statement benefit, and that payment of $238 was only a weekly one! So really I am due $476 or so every 2 weeks. This is a great thing, as if I can stop spending money we could actually bank $1500 a month. It will never happen but the thought is nice.

Again, I have lucked out with my EI payments as even $400 every 2 weeks is more than I would have made at work in months like October and November when sometimes I could go with a shift only once a pay period. So although to most people this is a very small amount for me it works out very well. Who can complain about getting paid to stay home with two lovely little girls? Not I.

There are days I am very grateful to live in Canada.

She so never said she was going to do that

Number of weeks pregnant: 34 and 2 days
Uterus measuring: 38
Blood pressure: 142/66
Weight gained: Nada, zip, zero
Weight lost: 2 lbs! Happy days! I wonder why I can't do that when I'm not pregnant.
Cervix: closed, closed, closed
Questions asked: None, I really don't have any

Today was my first "pants down" visit as the NA calls it. The doctor measured, probed and did the cervix check. She then did a swab. I wasn't thinking about it and then all of a sudden up my bum it went! I forgot all about this. It was done I am sure at my first appointment, when she actually told me what she was doing, but today was a bit of a shocker. Frankly, I like someone to tell me that something is about to enter my arse. The element of surprise is not always pleasing. As it was I was feeling very gassy so in reality she is extremely lucky I didn't fart in her face. I don't know what it is about last trimester gas, but it is most definitely not pleasing to the nose.

She asked if I still wanted to try vaginally and I said "Ach, I don't know, I change my mind everyday." And I do. What I do not want is an induction. If she does go more than 2 weeks late than I will opt for a section. I am not willing to be induced, go through 16 hours of labour and then be told that I need the section. Of course, I do realize that I could go into labour on my own and still end up with a section but somehow that doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway, back in 2 weeks. No sign of an ultrasound unless I'm measuring more than 40 weeks I assume.

Totally unrelated but just to share some of my pain and misery, since I'm sure you've come to expect it, but we are in the midst of a mini heat wave. I don't know how much warmer it is when you are pregnant but we were expected to break a record of 32.7 and I am quite sure it happened and my pregnant self registered it as at least 40. Blech. Warmer than Cancun today it was. I am hot, sweaty, sticky and stinky to be quite frank. I'd be happy with a nice 23.

34 is a lovely number

We've made it to 34 weeks, and I would say that anytime this baby is ready so is her mother.

Minus the fact that I am not ready for the big move, but whatever, it just means I will be very dependant on my mother's help in packing and cleaning. It would probably be for the best really, as she and William together would just throw everything away, leaving me no option about being indecisive and keeping toys that are now 11 years old. I kept alot of stuff after Taylor and Liam thinking that if I ever had another baby I might want to use it. Here's the reality...there are not many outfits that were cute in 1995 that are still cute now. Except for the lovely blue knit Gap sweater that I even put Liam in. Only once, then I realized that clothes really are not gender neutral. As for toys, Saoirse will get plenty of her own dolls and cars and whatnot. Though I am glad I kept most of Taylor and Liam's books, because books are bloody expensive now and at the time I had a 30% discount. Anyway, my point was that should baby arrive early my mum and William will just throw all my crap away. Of which I have alot.

Things are going very well, with the exception of my desire to take afternoon naps and the fact that I can not lie on my back for even a minute without an attack of sciatica on my left side. Massage has been recommended and if it weren't for the fact that my fat arse would have to be touched I might actually consider it. I don't want to hear anyone puking into a bucket because they are forced to touch my bum.

Doctor's appointment on Tuesday so talk then.

I forgot to say...

When I wrote the last post about my doctor waiting to see about the baby's size before deciding on potential methods of delivery I asked if that meant I was going to have an ultrasound.

"Ah, we'll see."

Huh? How exactly are we going to decide the size of this child? Are we going to go with a guess-timate? It is not that I do not entirely trust her word, she's 2 for 3 with my lot but the one that was wrong was way wrong.

For Taylor she said high 7s, low 8s. She was 7lbs 15oz so not a bad guess. Saoirse she was pretty dead on..high 8s she says and the baby was 8 lbs 14.

But Liam...well, she said high 7s and he was 9lbs 9 oz. Now I know that's nothing for some people (high 10s for Devynn's little guy) but as I have a negative 6 pain tolerance I am not wishing for a baby so big. Even though they are the most adorable things ever.

Liam was actually my easiest birth, but this has nothing to do with what I am writing this post about.

What I am writing about is ultrasounds. Now I know that there are an awful lot of people who legitimately need many ultrasounds. But I am amazed by the amount of blogs I read where they seem to be going for an u/s every week or two, just to see the baby. In a way I wish I could do that too, but I would worry about the side effects. I think I would rather know that the baby is healthy and leave it at that, with a nice picture for my scrapbook. That being said, I do want one more ultrasound with this baby as I actually think my dates might be off and she really might be due in July.

I mean absolutely no offense to those people who have had multiple ultrasounds, I suppose the right to do so is one of the joys of being in the United States and though there might be pay as you go places here, I certainly don't know of them. When I was pregnant with Taylor I was told that I would only get one ultrasound unless there was something wrong. They wouldn't even tell me what she was and that I will totally blame on Americans. The tech said "Too many Americans sue when the baby arrives as the opposite sex so we aren't allowed to tell." With Liam I had two, the second was because in the first his head appeared to be shaped like a lemon (picture if you will Stewie from the Family Guy, which is exactly what I pictured and that was pre-Family Guy.) I think I wrote about that in the other blog. I had two again with Saoirse, and her second was because in the first they discovered she only had a 2 vessel cord so they needed to see how her kidneys were developing.

I don't regret the fact that I only had one with Taylor, she was totally worth the wait. Still, it was nice to see Liam and Saoirse at two different times. And it certainly won't kill me if I don't get to see the baby once more before she arrives. It's not like it would actually help me decide on a name.

The 32 week appointment

Time spent in current state: 32 weeks and 3 days
Blood pressure: 128/78 (not too bad)
Weight gained: 3lbs*
Current weight: still don't know
Chance I'll find out: 100%. As if I won't be able to look at my pre-natal sheets when they give them to me.
Chance I will tell you when I find out: practically nil.
Uterus measuring: 36 weeks. After a bit of manouvering the baby on the doctor's part, it became 35.
Baby's heartrate: fast. Huh? She must've forgot her watch today and didn't time it or something.
Next appointment: 34 weeks..June 27. The dreaded pants down appointments start now.

Another quick visit. Had Saoirse with me so this was fine on my part. She mentioned something about waiting to see how big the baby was before deciding on induction or c-section, which I think she also said the last time so forgive me if I'm repeating myself, and I said that I think we would like to try and go as natural as possible this time (well, with drugs of course. I'm not crazy, people.) Seeing as how two nights ago I was perfectly willing, and in fact praying, to give birth to a 32 weeker, what do you think the chances are I will actually go to 42 should baby decide to take her time? Slim to none? That's what I say too, but we'll give it a go. You're in for alot of bitching, so to those lovely gals who said they don't mind and I can bitch away I just have to say that if you stick around I'll adore you all forever.

*3 lbs. Figuring that you gain about a pound a week in the last couple of months -until you start losing of course- 2 lbs should have been about right. So where did that extra pound come from? I can tell you. It was that half slab of brownies. Oh, butter cream chocolate chunk, look at how much I loved you...giving only tiny slices to Taylor and Liam and none to William who didn't like you anyway, and only wee bites to Saoirse...saving most for me, and what do you do, butter cream chocolate chuck? How do you reward me for my adoration?? You add a pound to my already chunky frame. Thanks. Thanks alot. My thighs and I will really have to reconsider our relationship with you. I think we might be kaput, which sort of breaks my heart.

32 down, 8 to go

Sometimes it feels this pregnancy has flown by and at others I feel as though I have been pregnant for years. I wish I had been a blogger when I was pregnant with Saoirse or at least kept a journal. I did write her a handful of letters so if I pull those out I might get an idea of how I was feeling.

Because right now I feel like I am in the midst of the worst pregnancy ever! And I know that this is so not true, I read blogs about mums on bedrest and miscarriages and early arrivals so in reality I know that this baby and I are doing great. It's just that when you're lying in bed at night and you can't find a comfortable position you feel absolutely miserable and totally sorry for yourself. At least I do. Last night I was on my hands and knees (and there was no sex involved whatsoever!) because I couldn't have any part of my stomach touching the bed, for some reason it hurt like crazy, and I was just wishing for it to be over. Last night I would have gladly had a 32 weeker, this morning I am grateful that she is safe inside me.

I was talking to my friend Shelley last night, she has been on nights the since Thursday so I've not talked to her at all, but on Friday she had a brief conversation with William who had told her I had had a bad week, lots of back pain and the start of Braxton Hicks contractions. I only ever had them with Saoirse, and they were nothing compared to this one, where they seem to come and go all day. Anyway, Shelley said to me "Do not have this baby early, we have no room at all." Apparently, every NICU in the region is full, they are flying babies to Saskatchewan. I asked if the mother goes with them and she said no, if you've had a section you can't fly out. Imagine that...you've got a brand new baby, who is 6 or 7 weeks early and you cannot be with them. I would fall apart I think. No, I definitely would.

So although I bitch and complain and all you poor souls out in bloggerland have to read about it, I am glad that other than pain and discomfort all is well! Except I would really prefer not to pee 4 times in one hour. That'd be nice.

In other news, I applied for my EI benefits on Friday. It takes a month so at least I'll be finding out how much I get before the baby's arrival and we can adjust our (my) spending habits accordingly. I foolishly put in that I had had small weeks (where I earned greater than 0 but less than $225) and they ask for proof of it. For fecks sakes! If youknow me, you know that I do not keep all my paystubs, I'd be lucky to find a quarter of them. I think they affect me negatively so I am going to take a quick look around and if I find none I will call and say so. The gal said it shouldn't be too big a deal, but I do need to let them know either way so my form can be processed. I'm not expecting much as I only had 800 hours, maybe $200-250 biweekly. That's my four household bills per month so if I get that I will be pleased. Any extra is just a bonus.

Just some random things

I don't really have much to write about, but I thought I had better attempt something otherwise I am going to lose what few readers I have.

So here's a bit of what's going on lately...

Things I can no longer do:
-I can't roll over in bed without strategically planning the next best move for me to make this as painless as possible. Due to the fact that I know have to think about moving, I am constantly waking up throughout the night.
-Same goes for getting out of bed or up off the couch.

Number of pre-pregnancy pants I can wear:
-2. One pair of jeans and one pair of capris. That are denim of course. Let's hope I don't get invited anywhere fancy. I do have maternity clothes, I am just not a fan of the way they sit on my body. I have a theory that the kind folks who design maternity wear think only really skinny people have sex and hence only skinny people get knocked up. Even when they make clothes over a size 10, they design them with a stick in mind, a slightly bigger stick, perhaps a board like stick. What I am trying to say is that they are designed for people who are straight up and down, with only an expanding tummy. What about expanding thighs? I have a pair of maternity jeans that are too loose in the tummy and the calves, but stick to my thighs like a second skin. Granted, even pre-pregnancy my thighs were huge. Bloody hell, they were huge when I was 10 and the skinniest kid in the class. So maybe it is not entirely the fault of maternity wear designers. Sigh. Oh well, it was nice to have someone else to blame, if even for a moment.

Stupid things that freak me out:
-I have a fear that in the next few weeks I am going to lose my belly button and it is going to become an outtie. Yikes. This has never happened to me before and i don't want it to happen now.
-I also worry that I'll get that brown line. Never had it, never want it, even though I know it goes away. Funny that the stretch marks that are now winding their way up past my belly button don't bother me as much as that. And I'll have those bastards forever.
-I worry that I will actually go into labour on my own and not have shaved my legs since my last doctor's appointment. I think I said in the other blog, or maybe in the comments here, that this is the one baby I do not want coming early due to the fact that we are moving August 1.

Things that are happening now:
-I get sciatica everytime I sit down after I have been doing something that requires effort on the part of my legs. You know, walking, cleaning, the usual.
-After an extremely active day yesterday the baby did not move at all today until 4.30. I was starting to feel just slightly more than paranoid.
-Tonight William said it looks as though the baby has dropped. But no, it is way too early for that. I know they say it doesn't happen after the first baby, but all of mine did to some extent. Not that it mattered, because all of them needed to be prodded into the world. Still, a little freaky. I was saying that I have had intense pressure in my cervix, not just the odd kick or whatever, but constant, which is when William made that comment. Thinking about it, I ran up the stairs and then right back down when the phone started ringing, and I didn't even lose my breath. This is a big thing, as normally just going up the stairs poops me out. So who knows. I'm assuming she's just changed positions and not actually dropped, but I'll find out at the next appointment.

And that's it. Not much really. Sometimes you'd think I'd never done this pregnancy thing before, wouldn't ya?

New Stats

Doctor appointment: May 30th
Number of weeks pregnant: 30 and 2 days
Uterus measuring: 36 weeks.
Weight gained: 1 lb
Current weight: ??? Still not brave enough to look. It has nothing to do with baby, it's just me being fat, fat, fat.
Blood pressure: 117/70. I knew it would drop when I left work.

My appointment was for 10.45 and amazingly I was out of there by 11.20. The doctor wasn't even there when I arrived. It was another quick one with her. My hemoglobin is low, so I either need to eat iron rich foods or take a supplement. Yuck to both says I. I have been informed though, that if I have to have a section, there is a chance for increased blood loss.

BTW, my doctor had been up from 1am delivering babies. I wonder how many hours she gets on average. And how often she sees her family. Her children must have had a 24 hour nanny. Still, I suppose that's part of the reason so many people choose to have her as a doctor. I wouldn't say it's for the bedside manner, but for the fact that she is probably one of a few doctors who actually deliver the majority of her patients babies.

The Update

Hoping has ordered me to update, so I shall, just for her! It's nice to know someone is wondering how you are doing.

I just updated the other blog so if you've read that you will know that I have gone on maternity leave. It's way too early, but I am pleased to be off for the next year. It will be good to spend some one on one time with Saoirse before the baby arrives. I was originally supposed to work until August 3rd (high hopes on my part, seeing as how I finished at 7 months with Saoirse as well!) and then, because we were moving, I changed it to July 20th. It ended up being yesterday.

There's not much new with the pregnancy, except all this past week she changed her quiet times. Usually when I was at work she would not move at all, I suppose because I was constantly on the go, but at home she would be forever moving about. This week was the oppopsite, all day long it was kicks that hurt like a bugger, and nothing at all in the evening. Today, however, she has been on the go, I watched my stomach bouncing around like there was a little alien in there for a good five minutes.

It is hard to believe that tomorrow I will be 30 weeks. In 12 weeks, I will have a baby. I say 12 because if she is anything like the others then she will be late. I have been induced with all three, but I would like to go into labour on my own so we are going to wait as long as we are allowed. Which rules out the planned c-section! I think William would actually like to see a birth that does not entail cutting part of me open and since he is not going to get his boy, I guess I can do this for him. The section's nice and fast, but getting in and out of bed for the next 6 weeks is a great big pain in the arse.

Knowing my luck, of course, she will probably arrive early; just to interfere with my moving plans. There is one thing in life that I do not fancy and that is moving house with a newborn and a toddler. It's almost as bad as moving when you're 9 months pregnant. Almost, but not quite!

Anyways, now that I am officially unemployed I will be posting more often. Next doctor's appointment is Tuesday, so will post then.

Yet another doctor's appointment

Wait time to see doctor: 1 hour and 10 minutes
Length of time with doctor: approximately 3 minutes, plus a 30 second call back
Blood pressure: 138/74
Weight gained in 1 week: 9lbs (lol! a massive screw up on part of the NA, she wrote in my file that I lost 5 lbs at the last appointment, so really this was a 4 lb weight gain, which is terrible for one week, but she wrote down that I had no weight gain at all, so I have no idea what is going on!)
Number of weeks pregnant:27 and 1 day
Uterus measuring: 32 weeks (make up your mind baby, or stop sticking your bum in the air)
Protein in urine: minimal
Blood sugar:5.3
Other blood test news: Iron is too low, hinted that I must take my Materna
Next appointment: May 30 (the day I see INXS)

This appointment was a total waste of time. She was too rushed, and other than hearing the heartbeat, which I can do at home, there was no point to it. She is not concerned about my blood pressure, and only says to rest when I have headaches. I'm finding it very frustrating. She wanted to see me again in 2 weeks (I was hoping for a month) but is away on holidays so I will see her the 30th. Why? I am tired of waiting and having no concise answers. My doctor desperately needs a partner. She's way to busy for one person. I discovered that she triple books each appointment time. I suppose most of them do really.

In other news, baby is kicking up a storm, I am loving it.

The appointment between appointments

Number of weeks pregnant: 26 and 1 day
Uterus measuring: 26 weeks
Weight gained: 1lb
Current weight: No idea, won't look
Blood pressure:130/76 (down from a high of 159)
Wait time to see doctor: 45 minutes
Length of time spent with doctor: 2 minutes
Next appointment: Monday, May 8

I made this appointment because of the blood pressure and headaches, but my doctor does not seem at all concerned. I explained that the headaches are especially bad when I am at work and my blood pressure goes right up. She said that when I get home from work I need to sit and do absolutely nothing for at least 45 minutes. William was there to hear that, not that I do much on days I work when he is around anyway, as he always makes dinner those nights. He's a sweetie really. This was his first time hearing baby's heartbeat. She still won't kick him though. She ordered a couple of extra blood and urine tests, and said she'd see me in a week. So hopefully all is well.

I did the glucose test today. That orange juice tastes exactly like some drink my kids love and I can't think of who does it. Bibo maybe. Nice to know my kids are drinking pure sugar though. The girl who did my blood test was not great, could not find a vein in my right arm, but still poked me, and then had to use the left. Have I ever said I hate, hate, hate with a passion needles? I really do. I hate getting them, could never dream of giving them and can't even watch a pretend one on T.V. I sometimes wonder how I managed getting a tattoo without calling it off.

Cravings

With all 3 of my girl pregnancies I have craved oranges. With this baby, the cravings started in December, but as I had no idea I was pregnant (otherwise known as avoiding reality) and I just assumed it was because of the mandarin oranges, which I normally eat plenty of in November and December. I think I tripled my intake this year.

With Taylor and Liam both I loved slushes and freezies. Oh, I could have had one everyday. And probably did most days, even on the coldest days of winter.

Aside from oranges, I do not recall any particular cravings with Saoirse.

However, with this baby I crave 2 things. Nibs and Nerds. The nibs I can live with, they are reasonably low fat, supposing you keep it in moderation. But the nerds. They are nothing but pure sugar. And really are quite disgusting if you think about it. Little balls of dyed sugar. Sorta gross.

But I could kill for a pack of nerds right about now.

Somebody slap me

I have spent so much time bitching over the last few days that it is no wonder Hoping left me a comment saying that she was sorry I wasn't enjoying my pregnancy right now.

Sometimes I'm a bit of a dolt. I am enjoying the pregnancy, but not the headaches and all!

Instead of focusing only on the negatives I could have pointed out that each time I feel her move I have such a thrill.

I love how sometimes when she realizes I have stopped talking she gives me a wee boot so that I say hello to her. At least, I like to assume that she knows I'm no longer talking and just wants to hear my voice!

I even love when she goes into a certain position and suddenly I have to go to the loo, even if I was only just there 10 minutes ago.

I love how when Liam pushes on my belly, she pushes back. He tortures her just like he used to do to Saoirse in utero.

I love the fact that in just 5 days, William is going to be able to experience all this with me (yep, even the downs- that man will suffer!) and that Saoirse will learn she is having a baby sister.

So there most definitely are positives, and seeing her in just over 3 months will be the greatest positive of all.

My doctor's office increases my blood pressure

I spent my entire day today ringing my doctors office only to get a busy signal everytime. I finally got through at 2.30, only to discover that they are totally booked up and can't get me in until next Monday. Jaysus, Mary and Joseph, says I, that's an awfully long wait when you have headaches so bad you can barely function on a civil level.

I think I may be forced to go visit my family doctor, even though he is a complete quack. Ah, maybe I'll just go to the medi-centre down the road. I'll wait for ages, but they are good.

But then I think what's the point? There's nothing they can do really. Other than make me pee in a cup. Which I suppose would let me know if I have protein in my urine 5 days earlier than my doctor's office. I did ask if there was any in my sample 2 weeks ago and I was told "trace amounts." Which I thought was no big deal, but according to my friend might turn into a big deal.

In good news, my bp was 130/80 on Sunday. I am assuming it is higher today as my headaches are worse, but who knows.

All I can say is August better get here soon.

Good God, I'm some sort of whinger

My headaches are getting worse. I was at work today and it was very busy so there was little time to put my feet up as my doctor suggests. I think she's forgotten I have a job, which we see each other almost everytime I am there. Saw her today actually, she must have had a D&C scheduled or something, because there was only one labour today and it wasn't hers. Suppose she could have been on call, of course.

Anyway, I digress. It was busy, the headaches were killing me and everytime I was in emergency they were to busy for me to interrupt and ask if they would take my blood pressure. And possibly allow me to bypass the waiting room and see a doctor who might send me home. Ah no, not for me. However, if I was an ER nurse you can bet that I would have been put right into a room. There are perks to being a bitch. (no offense to you Emmakirst, I am sure you are a lovely nurse, like most of ours are with the exception of those in ER!)

Again, I digress. I'm a bit bitchy myself you see. I was up on one of the units and I felt very faint (it may have had to do with the 2 Russian Orthodox priests chanting in a patients room, it brings back bad memories*) so I asked the nurse to take my blood pressure.

159/77! It has never been that high in my life! She suggested that I go down to ER, especially since I was having headaches but I only had an hour left to go so I didn't bother. When I went to pick up Taylor and Liam up from my mum's I slept for a bit and then slept again for an hour when I got home. I feel better, but for the dull thud in my head.

*Memory: About 6 or 7 years ago my ex husband and I went to a wedding at a Russian Orthodox church. It was a really hot hot hot day and as the bride's uncle was singing a song he had written for the couple which just happened to include the lyrics "Woman, obey your man" repeated over and over and just as he happened to be singing said lyrics for what felt like the thousandth time -and very well may have been, the song was about 15 minutes long- the maid of honour fainted. My ex not only laughed he snorted and those who bothered to turn away from the spectacle at the front of the church all turned to stare at him. That church service was the longest 21/2 hours of my life.

I knew I'd figure out how to take my own blood pressure

...after I called a nurse of course. It is good to have friends with proper jobs, you know.

I tried taking my blood pressure yesterday, but I believe I mentioned that the results I got would have meant I was dead.

I did it tonight, without the help of my lovely daughter, Taylor, who tried to cut off all blood flow below my elbow with how tightly she did up the cuff.

I got 142/88, which is slightly higher than what it was last week, and much higher than my normal. Shelley suggests that I head over to London Drugs tomorrow to have it taken again, where it will probably be more accurate. Is she saying she doubts my blood pressure reading abilities? I think she is. But they do have the funky little chair with the mechanical cuff so I guess I'll go do it. If it is anywhere close to what I have gotten then I am to call my doctor's office and tell them all about it and the headaches. Nurses sure can be bossy.

It's a good thing I didn't mention the pulsating in my nether regions that I have been having all afternoon and evening. I don't even want to get started on what that is.

Did I forget to mention the stress incontinence?

This may be the most humiliating post I ever write.

But I feel we have known each other long enough and I can tell you the truth. After all, most of you are mothers and therefore have once been pregnant (or are) and can deal with this sad reality of pregnancy.

I am peeing my pants.

Not totally peeing, it's not like I just stop and go where ever I may be. But you know, the odd dribble when I laugh really hard or cough. I fear that it may become a situation where I need to purchase Depends.

This really pisses me off. Let me tell you why. I do those Kegels like there is no tomorrow. In fact, it is the only part of my body that gets any regular exercise. So they should be strong and in fact, used to be very strong. I could tell you how strong, but then you might think I am a pervert. What has happened?

I just don't know. This is the first time this has happened during a pregnancy, and the third time in my life it has happened at all. It has all been within the last 2 years and a bit actually.

The first time it happened was a year before I had Saoirse. I was so sick all I could do was lay on the couch. My mother had to come over every night to make my kids dinner. I only got up to go to the bathroom and honestly, I don't know why I even bothered, because everytime I coughed (which was every 30 seconds) a little bit of pee would come out. It was so bad I had soaker pads stolen from the hospital under me, where ever I was. The second time was also when I was sick, after the arrival of Saoirse, It was nowhere near as bad as the first time, just the odd dribble when I had a particularly bad coughing fit.

And now it's now. I am pregnant, I am wetting myself. Is it not bad enough that I use the toilet every hour? Do I really need that final humiliation of feeling as though I am in the process of being toilet trained? Did I really need to write about it?

The headaches, the cramps and the forgetfulness

I am having extremely painful headaches. They are like contractions in that they come, last for a minute or so and go. 20 minutes later I have another one and so on and so on. I have never had this before.

I have plenty of headaches, very rarely are they enough to actually make me take some form of medication. This is because I despise swallowing pills. This is also the reason I am pregnant today, because I refused to go on birth control pills. Sometimes not liking to swallow pills is a good thing. Anyway, I don't like pills so unless is a headache is killing me I won't take anything.

The point of that spiel is to say that if it weren't for the fact that I am pregnant those headaches would have me running for the Tylenol with Codine. They are driving me crazy. The first one was last Wednesday, and it knocked me for six. If I hadn't have been holding onto the counter I am pretty sure I would have falled flat on my arse. It was like two drills on either side of my head, right behind my eyes, that made everything go black and left an odd ringing in my ears. It only lasted a minute or so and then that was it.

How strange I thought. Must take note of that. I was fine Thursday and then had a few on Friday. Saturday I was at work, and had about dozen of them. Sunday, the same thing, bothering me enough so that went to the ER and asked how long the waiting time was. Quite possibly I would have been there longer than the remainder of my shift, another 2 hours, so I chose not to wait.

They've been off and on all day today, nothing near as painful as they have been, but still enough to make me paranoid. With the high blood pressure at this month's appointment and now the headaches I am wondering if I might have pre-eclampsia. I don't really think it could be, but what's pregnancy without a little paranoia? I tried taking my blood pressure last night, but couldn't get the cuff around my arm tightly enough, and then couldn't even remember the proper way to take it. When do you listen for systolic and dystolic? Cannae remember for the life of me! I heard nothing, apparently I am dead.

And then there's the cramp in my calves. I have had these my whole life, ever since I was very little. I was away the other weekend and I was very much reminded of my childhood when I woke up screaming at about 5 in the morning. Nancy, my roomie, thought I was in labour. She hopped out of bed and I said no, no it's a cramp. She massaged my leg, which is just what my mum used to do when I was little. Twice she massaged it and it went away and as soon as I moved my leg it came back. The third time was the charm though. I ate about 6 bananas the next day to give myself a boost of calcium so that I didn't scream our wing down that night.

I now flex my toes everynight before I go to bed in the hopes of keeping the cramps at bay, it has worked so far. I flexed the wrong way this morning though, and got a cramp which I quickly flexed away.

And then there's the forgetfulness. Anyone who has read my other blog (yep, a shameful plug) knows that I am completely disorganized and can probably garner that I am slightly forgetful. I was supposed to book Saoirse's 18 month shots in March, but kept forgetting. It's hard when she's not right in front of you. I always think of it at inconvenient times like when I am in bed or at work. Anyway, I finally remembered this morning and made an appointment. I thought I wouldn't be able to get her in for ages, but I managed to get an appointment right on the 11th, her 18 month birthday. Happy birthday, babe, a shot in each leg for you. Welcome home too. They don't do mean things like that to her in Australia, she's fed enough chocolate to keep the Easter Bunny happy and let to run the house. It'll be a shock to her system when she gets home. No more sleeping in the bed, shots. What kind of mother does she have, she'll be wondering. Poor wee bugger.

12 days til they get home!

A Name Change

I've changed my blog name. I didn't like the other one at all, and don't have the imagination for a good one now, so this is what I've got.

Conratulations to emmakirst who had a very lovely little girl on Thursday.

I wish August would hurry up and get here.

5 month appointment

Number of weeks pregnant: 23 and 2 days
Weight gained this past month: 2 lbs (fantastic!)
Total weight gained in 2 months: 10 lbs
Blood pressure: 148/82
Blood pressure last month: 118/80
Uterus measuring: 30 weeks (ack!)
Baby's heartrate: 132
Behaviour of said baby: mischievous (kept swimming away from doctor)
Number of times I pee between 11pm and 7 am: 4
Number of hours a day I nap if not working: 2-5
Number of days until baby's father and sister arrive home: 19
Number of hours needed to collect EI: 600
Chance I will have needed hours: 85%
What I will do if I don't have needed hours: have a mental breakdown
Date of next appointment: May 10

I'm pregnant, I'm allowed to change my mind

I have changed my mind on a girl's name. I would like to call her Ruari, which is a name I like for either boy or girl. The only thing is that people might think she is named after Rory from the Gilmore Girls, which she would NOT be.

The only other thing is that William said no.

Bloody men. Honestly, what right do they have to have any say in the name at all? Is it not me that will have gone through 9 months of pregnancy plus untold hours of an unsuccessful labour only to have my stomach cut open? I think it is and therefore I think the name choice should be all mine.

He is however a lovely fella, and I suppose I should allow him some veto choice in the matter. He said to me last night "I thought you had already picked a name."
Well, I had, but as I say I'm allowed to change my mind. Or at least consider changing it.

He said no to it, because it is a boys name in his mind. Once upon a time so was Taylor, but she arrived in the days before we met so he really had no choice whatsoever in her name. Oddly enough, he once said to me that if he had had a boy he would have liked Liam as a name. Luckily, he ended up with my Liam as it appears that he may be the only son in William's life.

So I don't know what will happen, it may be that everyone thinks her name will be Sophie until she arrives and William just happens to maybe say "You can call her whatever you want!" I might get really lucky that way.

Sleep, sleep, I dream of sleep

All I want to do these days is sleep. I have been very lethargic this last week, and other than a 2 day turn cleaning Taylor's room, I have done virtually nothing in the house.

Today was the first day back to school after spring break. I had my alarm set for 6.40, but did not manage to drag myself out of bed until 7.05. This left Liam with 25 minutes to get up, washed, dressed and fed before his bus arrived. All I wanted to do was go back to bed. I stood outside Taylor's room, waiting for her to get herself out of bed. She's worse than I am, that one. Eventually she did. I reminded her to brush her hair and make sure she had breakfast and went back to sleep.

There was an incident with a spider inside her lamp that forced me to get out of bed. Once that was taken care of I climbed back into bed and slept until noon.

I suppose that I would prefer to be tired during pregnancy, rather than suffer from 9 months of morning sickness like my mum did. The drawback is that every once in awhile I actually have something I need to do, and sleeping can not always be a priority, no matter how much I might want it to be so.

Moving around

There are days that I wouldn't even know I was pregnant unless I actually look down at myself. I have not been sick at all, and she has not really been an active baby. Until now. I have discovered how to piss her off. I simply lie on my stomach and seconds later she is kicking away, saying "Hey fat girl, get all that weight off of me!" And so I do, well, after a moment or two of enjoying her kick. And then I flip over and she gives me a thank you kick and goes back to sleep. Or goes back to doing whatever it is she is doing in there.

Sometimes when I am sitting or lying still and rubbing my hands on my stomach it seems as though she is following my hands around. I love that feeling, its like she's letting me know she's out and about.

But it makes me sad that William is not yet here to enjoy it. He missed most of Saoirse moving around as he was gone from weeks 14-39. He will be home in just over a month though so he should have plenty of time with me forcing him to hold his hand on my stomach until she kicks him.

I wonder what Saoirse will think of my bigger tummy? We already suspect she will not like this baby at all, William is not allowed to hold anyone other than her. She probably won't care who or what I might be holding. Such a daddy's girl.

Can't wait to see them though. Only 4 weeks and 3 days to go.

Something else to be grateful for...

Sometime ago, my neighbour announced at a board meeting that "Hey, I'm going to be the youngest grandfather in this co-op!" Now, I'm not sure that I would be telling everyone with glee in my voice that my 17 year old daughter is pregnant and that at 35 and 36, my spouse and I would in fact be the youngest grandparents in the neighbourhood. For some strange reason, I would not want my daughter to repeat the past. I'd like to see her go to university, to travel, to own her own home and then have her children. But that's just me. Apparently, they were quite thrilled to see their daughter pregnant. And while I think it's great that they are supporting her, I was amazed that he was literally jumping for joy.

A couple of months later we are ready to kick him off the board due to the fact that he is, quite frankly, a useless tit. He didn't show up to the meeting, and was called. He came over, took great offense at us saying he has not done a thing while I am currently running two committees (due to the fact that we have another useless tit on our board.) He says "I'll leave the board for personal reasons. We have been dealing with three deaths in my family in the last few months." He proceeds to tell us that his daughter's baby, due at the end of May, has anencephaly and is expected to die shortly after birth. She was given the option of having labour induced at that point (around 5 months) or waiting until she was full term. She chose to wait.

I do not know this girl, in almost 6 years of living directly across the street from them, I have seen her a grand total of once. But, do I ever admire her decision. I could not carry a baby I knew was going to die for another 3 or 4 months. I would fall apart everytime someone asked me when the baby was due, what I was having, have you picked your names, whatever. That, at 17, she is strong enough to do so is quite amazing to me.

And it makes me grateful that my little girl is, thus far, healthy.

*Note: While I call him a useless tit, I really do like this fella, he is great with the neighbourhood kids, showing them how to do fancy soccer moves and whatnot. He was just to busy to be on our board. You know, not that the rest of us aren't. But still, a nice guy. Though I would hope he never comes across this blog!

Feeling Ashamed

I am feeling a bit ashamed of myself today for the feelings I initally had towards this pregnancy, and lately for wishing she had turned out to be a boy.

Today I read a very sad post over at Making a Life who just found out that she had had a miscarriage. I feel terrible for her. I loved reading her blog as she was so excited and I wished that I had some of that excitement. I was never unhappy to be having another child, but unhappy about the terrible timing, about the stress that it has caused.

Of course, the reality is that all I want, all most people want, is a healthy, happy baby, boy or girl. And so what if the timing is not perfect? Neither was the timing of Saoirse or Liam and, believe me, I couldn't be happier to have the pair of them as well as Taylor. All it means is an extra year of struggling financially, which to be perfectly honest, we were going to do anyway. It'll just be a bit more of a struggle is all. To be positive, it means another year home with Saoirse, as well as William. How many newborns and toddlers are lucky enough to have both their parents at home with them? And if I'm really, really lucky my EI will be as great as it was with Saoirse (more money than I earned working 6 shifts every 2 weeks!) It won't be, but one can hope.

It's very unfortunate that it takes another's loss to see that everything with yourself really is alright.

Cravings

No, not the food sort.

The sex sort. Um, that would be the gender sort, not the hop into bed and go at it like bunnies sort.

Today I saw the cutest, most adorable little boy in the entire world. And I wanted a boy sooooooooooo badly. The baby gave me a good kick as I was admiring this wee boy, probably thinking to herself "Wise up, woman, you're having a girl. Accept it or I will make your life a living hell." And she could, girls have that sort of power. I know, I have two already.

Did I say already that the thought of having two girls less than two years apart frightens the living bejesus out of me? If I didn't, I am telling you now and if I did, then I am simply repeating myself for effect.

I will tell you why it scares me:
1) My cousin Jane and her sister Suzanne are a few years apart. Suzanne was somewhat cruel to Jane growing up and even today Jane still bitches about how she is treated. As an adult.

2) When I was little I had a friend called Margaret. Margaret's sister Lisa was about 2 years older than her. Lisa used to beat Margaret up all the time. Margaret is a stripper today. I am sure frequent childhood torture contributed to her choice of career. Though I hear it pays fantastically.

3) When I was little I had a friend called Janine. Janine's sister Roseanne was about 3 years older than her. Roseanne used to beat Janine up. It was so bad, that when Janine and I were 14 and her parents were going to Montreal or England (it was a long time ago, my memory has faded a bit), Janine had to come stay with us for 3 weeks as they were worried Roseanne would physically injure her to such an extent that police involvement would be necessary.

Plus Roseanne was really, really, really mean to me.

4) When Taylor was in 4 year old playschool and Liam was in 3 year old, they were both in a class with 2 sisters, Carrie and Sarah. Carrie, the elder sister, was so emotionally and mentally lagging behind Sarah that it was almost frightening. It was actually. And I used to think that I was so glad Liam was a boy because one day those girls would be hell to deal with as Carrie would probably be very jealous of Sarah, who would (and will) obviously do everything so much better than her sister.

I don't know why that particular one is a worry to me. I was always glad that I could use the excuse "ah well, he's a boy" if my brother was better at something that I was (say, math) and in much the same way girlfriends talk about who was the first one to french kiss a boy, I have to imagine that sisteres do as well. Wouldn't know myself, never having had one. I always wondered how terrible the older sister would feel if her sister was kissed first. Strange, I know.

Maybe I will luck out and they will get on great. Sure, they can't get on as badly as Taylor and Liam. But that's a post for another day, in the other blog. (Just let me say that both my children were satan's spawn this afternoon and spawn #1 hit spawn #2 on the back with a shovel.)

Honestly, it can't get worse.

The Name Game

I think we have come up with a first name and I am deciding on middle names.

Sophie. What do you think?

I still am not totally sure about it. It's much too English I think. Well, it's actually Greek. It means "Wisdom", which I rather like. I really did want an Irish name, but there was just no agreeing. I am sure that in the end I would have gotten my way and the baby would be Mairead or Caoimhe or whatever else I may have wanted. After all those hours of labour with Saoirse, he did say "You can have her baptised if you want!" So I am sure he would say I could use my choice of name.

The thing is I have taken to calling her Sophie and I think I might like it. I will play around with it a bit more and make sure it flows. I do like saying 'Saoirse and Sophie'. Though I don't like that I will have a second daughter with the initals SS. People might start thinking that we are some sort of Nazi fans. Not, for your information.

The middle names I currently like are Niamh and Lilian. Lilian was my Nan's middle name, she passed away in December and I would like to honour her in some way.

Sophie Niamh Lilian. See what happens when you're on your third girl and you had a boys name picked out?

The least active baby ever

Apparently I am over my 8 pound weight gain and have decided to add to the growing total as in the last three days I have had 2 bags of licorice allsorts as well as a bag (not the small size either) of salt and vinegar chips. They were delicious and I won't regret it.

Not until the next doctor's appointment anyway.

I am concerned about the lack of movement on this wee girl's part. I poke and prod and nothing. When I bugged Saoirse she let me know it. This one seems not to move at all. At my ultrasound the tech did say that she was actually kicking the placenta and that's why I wasn't feeling it, but I still worry.

I try and look at the positive...Liam was pretty quiet in utero (except for the hiccups) also and was probably my most pleasant baby. Taylor and Saoirse were active and tend to be my troublemakers. At least I suspect Saoirse will be if her first 16 months have been any indication.

So perhaps I should be grateful for how quiet this one is. It could be a good sign.

Doctor's appointment #2

EIGHT POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have gained 8 lbs. in one month. Let me try and put that in perspective. I gained 18 lbs in 9 months with Liam (biggest baby at 9lbs 9oz), 14 with Saoirse (8lbs 15 oz) and 13 with Taylor (7lbs 15oz). So what is the problem here? Am I just getting hugely fat (and believe me I can hardly afford an extra pound or two, let alone 8) or is this going to be a hugely gigantic baby? I am 19 weeks pregnant and measure 24.

This is terrible, just awful. If I keep at that rate for the next 4 and a bit months, I will have gained 40 lbs. How long do you think it will take me to lose that, when I am still trying to lose the weight gained after Liam's birth? Yes, I said after. The pregnancy wasn't a problem, the 10 months of breastfeeding killed me. Lose weight, my arse. Make that lose weight, my fat arse.

Everything else is fine. Blood pressure good (suprising, for the whale that I am becoming), ultrasound results fine (a 3 vessel cord- yea!) and we will talk about delivery methods when we have a better idea of baby's size.

I received an email from my aunt and uncle in England who said the following:
Emma!
Hi!
No point hiding the truth. It's all round the planet (except for Ray's bit)... Pauline's having a fourth grandchild. Congratulations to you both/all.
Thom says... "Emma, bless her, has filled Ma's grandchild quotient of 4, taking away from me any pressure to fill the void."

Ray would be my grandfather, who does not yet know about this imminent arrival due to a)his general grouchiness in regards to unwed parents, or
b)his hatred of all things Irish (baby's da in case you didn't know), or
c)he is still mourning the recent loss of his very lovely wife, or
d)he is just a curmedgeonly old man
It could be any one of the above or a mixture of all four.

Pauline would be my mother, the slightly unhappy future nan of four.

Thom would be my brother. When I had my first, my mum decreed that we were each allowed two children, giving her a nice number at four. Still affordable enough to enjoy shopping for them. Neither one of us listens very well.

At least some of my family members were pleasant about it!

Telling Me Ma

I've done it. I've told my mother I'm pregnant. It was a terrible, horrible moment- one I hope never in this lifetime to repeat. She said do I not know what happens during sex, especially when protection is not used? I said of course I do. I may be foolish, but I am not a fool. She thinks we should have waited until William was allowed into the country permanantly and is allowed to work. Wouldn't that be ideal? It would, there is no denying it, but life does not always work the way we plan it. I heard about it everytime I talked to her over the next few days. My friend Shelley popped into my mum's office to ask her how she was doing. Was she over the shock of the announcement I guess. Does she feel an ulcer coming on perhaps? Shelley said to me that my mum said she hasn't even congragulated me yet. Which she hadn't. But did when I was talking to her later that night. I think this was day 4. She said "I do congratulate you, Emma, I just think you should have waited." She also told me that she had said to Shelley that I don't know how to keep my legs closed! Shelley apparently was to polite to repeat this, but my mother, proud Brummie that she is, had no such hesitation.

So she knows. It was a weight off my shoulders to finally tell her. And while she may not be thrilled right now, one day she will say the same thing about this wee girl that she does about Saoirse - "I'd never send her back."

Though she does say that this one had better have a decent name. "Two bloody Irish names are enough!"

17 weeks and 5 days

So I am not as far along as my doctor had, but I'm a further on than I had thought. The baby is due August 6, appeas to be healthy and is a girl.

We had a boy's name sorted. The disagreement over a girl's name will be ongoing. The poor thing mightn't have a name when she arrives.

I was supposed to have my ultrasound on Monday, but I had spoken to one of the techs at work and asked if she would do it. She said yes and even gave me a picture for free. Oddly enough, the hospital charges for them, but the clinics do not. Strange that. I was feeling a little worried that other than that one kick I had not felt a thing, and really since it's only 17 weeks old that's not that unusual. Turns out though the the placenta is post posterior so that's what the baby's kicking. Extra cushioning. It's sitting right on my bladder, which explains why I ought to be sitting on the toilet while I have a cup of tea. I have never peed so much in my life as I have with this wee miss. So all is well. I still have to tell William, who expects a girl (after all he is the only boy in a family of five.) It is Saturday in Australia and he has taken Saoirse to the zoo. I am going to ask him to ask her if she would like a baby sister. Bet she says no.