Avoiding reality

I do not know how far along I am. 8 weeks? 12? No clue. Normally I know such things, but somehow managed to lose track around Halloween.

I have not yet made an appointment with my doctor. I am slightly afraid to go see her, as I did not go back for my 6 week appointment after Saoirse and due to the fact that my scar is quite horrid to look at I know that she will not be pleased with me. She will also comment on the thousands of pounds I have gained since Saoirse arrived.

I was going to do it this week, but with the news of William having to leave and the running around we had to do it sort of got put on the backburner.

I think that I also tend to almost forget about it. It doesn't seem real at all and I don't feel the least bit pregnant. With Saoirse I knew right away. I did the test 2 days before I was due because I was that sure. With this one I feel slightly detached, if that's the right word.

I know that once I go to the doctor and hear the heartbeat I will feel better about all this. It's just that right now, things don't seem right.

Well.

Well.

That really says it all.

I'm a bit shocked at the moment.

I'm up the stick.

Good friggin' God.