Friday, March 24, 2006

Feeling Ashamed

I am feeling a bit ashamed of myself today for the feelings I initally had towards this pregnancy, and lately for wishing she had turned out to be a boy.

Today I read a very sad post over at Making a Life who just found out that she had had a miscarriage. I feel terrible for her. I loved reading her blog as she was so excited and I wished that I had some of that excitement. I was never unhappy to be having another child, but unhappy about the terrible timing, about the stress that it has caused.

Of course, the reality is that all I want, all most people want, is a healthy, happy baby, boy or girl. And so what if the timing is not perfect? Neither was the timing of Saoirse or Liam and, believe me, I couldn't be happier to have the pair of them as well as Taylor. All it means is an extra year of struggling financially, which to be perfectly honest, we were going to do anyway. It'll just be a bit more of a struggle is all. To be positive, it means another year home with Saoirse, as well as William. How many newborns and toddlers are lucky enough to have both their parents at home with them? And if I'm really, really lucky my EI will be as great as it was with Saoirse (more money than I earned working 6 shifts every 2 weeks!) It won't be, but one can hope.

It's very unfortunate that it takes another's loss to see that everything with yourself really is alright.

1 comment:

Hoping said...

Sometimes that is the way we are shown what we are grateful for. Do not feel bad it is perfectly normal and very situational on how you feel, it is your life and you are entitled to those feelings. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and thank you for the very nice comment it means a lot.