I had my doctor's appointment today. I gained a pound and a half. I don't know what my blood pressure is...this new girl tells you nothing. I could check my papers but that would mean walking all the way over to the front door and my bag.
Wait, that's what 11 year old daughters are for. 128/72. Nothing to worry about. I am sure it is sky high at the moment as the rest of the appointment totally stressed me out.
William came with me today, along with Saoirse. He thought she looked sad as he left the house. He's a sucker for a pouty lip apparently.
So I see the doctor. Baby has not moved a bit, cervix is still pretty much closed up.
"I really think we should induce, Emma."
"I'd really like to wait."
"The longer you wait the more difficult the labour will be, the more likely you will end up with another cesarean."
The same conversation we have had the last few weeks.
I look at William. No support there, I am sure he can't wait until my pregnancy whinging is over. "Let's do it."
"Do I have to be induced? Can't I just have the section?"
She'll have to see how busy they are at the hospital she says.
I was to get dressed and wait in the waiting room.
Right away she tells me it's currently scheduled for Friday. This is not a terrible thing. It will be Saoirse's 21st month birthday. I have to fill out some forms.
As I am filling them out she comes over to say that it will be the Thursday. She fills it on my form. 10-08-06. "That's interesting." she says. Sure, I guess whatever you can take.
I am devastated. I said to William that if he hadn't of been there I think I could have said let's wait another week.
Why didn't I? This is my life and my body and if I want to wait until I am 12 days overdue to give birth can't I? The baby is healthy, still active, I don't think she is the concern.
I will tell you why. I am a wimp. I am afraid of authority figures. I should have said no.
All I want to do is cry.
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4 comments:
you are a strong beautiful woman and completely in charge of your own body. it's almost over. chin up and remember to always follow your gut feelings. big hugs and best wishes.
At least you know for sure now, good luck tomorrow :)
you still can wait can't you? I really admire you for waiting this out, there are so many unnecessary inductions these days, but you girl are ready, good luck!
Best of luck tomorrow!!!
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